Another twist

I'm fond of telling people that my wife and I have been through every ride in the "Having Kids Amusement Park," from the "Infertility Roller Coaster" to the "Adoption Drop" to the "Miscarriage-a-whirl."

Today, we're getting the crash course in the "Gestational Diabetes sucker punch in the pancreas."

If you're not familiar with testing for Gestational Diabetes (GD, I'll call it from here) -- the mommy-to-be has to drink an orange-flavored solution with three times the straight-to-the-bloodstream dextrosy goodness of a can of Mountain Dew, then has her blood sucked an hour later. If she fails that test, she has to try again a couple days later -- except this time she has to fast 12 hours beforehand, and they suck her blood three times over three hours. End result: A hungry, cranky pregnant woman, several CCs short of blood and suffering from insulin shock on an empty stomach.

In short, if your wife and child aren't diabetic before the tests, they sure as hell will be afterwards.

I realize that poor insulin sensitivity (along with lactose intolerance and the inability to be on time for ANYTHING) is one of the burdens my wife's people deal with in exchange for great tans. But honestly, after seeing her eat sensibly, exercise several times a week and gain very little weight (probably a good amount given her size pre-pregnancy but I'm no OB), I was so not worried about this one.

I probably still shouldn't be worried; as the Doc put it, the initial test is "non-diagnostic" (docspeak for "if you pass, you're fine, but if you fail you might still be fine") and of the women who have to take the fasting test-from-hell, 80% pass and have no further issues.

It would just really really suck that just as I'm going to quit work -- giving us more chances to go out to eat, giving me more chances to cook -- she might be stuck on a diabetes diet for the rest of the pregnancy.

For cryin' out loud, can't this shit just be easy, one time? I suppose we're saving up all our good karma for labor and delivery (oh please oh please oh please).