And a not-so-stereotypical Daddy moment...

Most of our previous attempts to get Theo to clean up his toys resulted in Ruth and I scrambling all over the living room to put stuff away while the kid either stood around and laughed at us, or foiled our attempts by spreading puzzle pieces all over the floor.

After a while, we just gave up; easier to put him to bed without fighting that particular battle and we're both so beat by the end of the day that a room littered with toys just isn't our highest priority.

So tonight, Ruth was even later than usual, dinner for Theo was leftovers and whatever I thought he'd eat and afterwards I was facing the prospect of putting him to bed by myself.

As we walked through the toy clutter in the front room, I threw a couple blocks into their box and said, "Wish this stuff would get put away."

And the craziest thing happened -- Theo stopped, picked up a toy and put it in the toy box. Opportunist that I am, I JUMPED on this development and started talking him through the full cleanup. "Theo, can you put all your toy cars in this box?" He suddenly became a toddler WITH A PURPOSE, something that I never knew existed.

Ten minutes later and the room was fit for company.

I realize this sounds weird and desperate, but hot damn, anytime some of the work around here can be transferred from me to him, I'm a happy guy.

The moment every Daddy looks forward to...

I realize that it's too early to make any assumptions, but...

Tonight, Theo picked up his little foam football and started throwing it back and forth across the living room.

LEFT-HANDED.

That's right. Looking forward to the Fighting Illini National Championship 2028 and the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Dynasty of the 2030s. BANK on it.

Wherein I get serious about cross-training

Just a running update: The good news, I ran the CHKD 8K Run-Walk for the kids on June 13. I was pretty happy with my time, 48:19, considering the weather was terribly hot and humid, even for the morning. I probably tried a little to hard to keep up with some friends at the beginning when I should've taken it easier all the way through the race.

Which leads to the bad news ... I started feeling some pain just below my knee in the days after the race. Knowing that we were a few days from a long weekend to DC that would mean many miles of walking each day, I stopped running. But lots of walking in DC, most of it with Theo in the backpack, probably helped get my legs stronger and definitely burned a lot of calories.

It seems pretty clear that any increases in my speed or mileage beyond where I'm at now will take quite a bit of time. Runner's World described the problem that fits my knee pain, and it sounds like my weight and lack of quad strength are likely culprits. I've decided that if I'm going to finish the Virginia Beach Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon in a time I'm happy with, I have to do two things this summer -- lose a bunch of weight and improve my leg strength, especially my quads.

So my new program is going back to running only three days per week and not pushing the speed work for now, but hitting the bike hard at least three of the other four days. I'm also working on the Hundred Pushups and Two Hundred Squats programs of Tidewater local Steve Speirs, in addition to doing sets of planks and other core strength every day or two.

Yesterday I strapped Theo into his bike seat and set off. My first stop was the downtown Norfolk YMCA, just to see how long it would take to bike there -- looks like 10-15 minutes for me to cover the 2-ish miles, even with all the construction going on in that direction. I'd say there's a good chance we'll be joining there soon.

After my test ride to the Y, I set out for Norfolk's 5 Points community farm market. It's absolutely a treasure to have a source of local farm raised food available year-around, but I haven't been going there nearly as often as I'd like -- I don't have the car during the day and I favor destinations I can reach on foot. Now that I know how quickly I can get there and back on the bike, I'm likely to start visiting with Theo a couple times a week.

One more quick stop at Azar's to get Theo some Hummus (OK, I admit Daddy's eating it too) and we were on our way back home.

Of course, it figures...because of a seat malfunction and forgetting to restart my GPS watch after Theo stopped it, I don't have an exact mileage. I know it was at least 7.75, so I'm going to put a guess at 9.5 - 10 miles covered. I'm very happy with that. It made me tight enough this morning that getting started on my run was a challenge, but once I worked out the kinks I ran as well as I normally do for five miles with the stroller.

I figure a week or two of regular bike riding should get my body accustomed to the new work I'm giving it and with any luck, I'll start to show improvements in my run distance and speed as I hit muscles that haven't been working so hard up to this point. Next I have to find out if MacArthur mall has bike parking, anyplace where Theo can run wild in the morning is a prime destination...

Lies we tell our children

"No no no, Theo. That's Daddy's penis. You can touch Theo's penis, but we don't touch other people's penises."

I'll get into the exceptions to that one later, I guess.

Yes, this is an ongoing theme.

Gender stereotypes, two for one today only

Do I just not leave the house enough?

Monday morning, couple weeks ago now, I still had the rental car I'd used to drive Theo and I to Pennsylvania for the weekend, so I decided to take advantage and run to the commissary.

It was one of those perfect grocery trips. No crowds, lots of other kids for Theo to interact with and he actually walked with me and listened to me when I told him not to pick up glass jars from the bottom shelf.

Our bagger had a great time talking with Theo on the way to the car, but then came the question that every stay-at-home dad gets at some point: "...and Where is your Mommy?" The way she asked, her meaning seemed clear ... but I don't assume anything, and I'm polite even when other people aren't, so I gave the honest answer: "She's at work on the big ship, right Theo? We'll see her this afternoon. (Deep breath)"

"OH!" ... and then silence. I've heard this dozens of times -- The sudden realization that I am the stay-at-home spouse of a female sailor, followed by a fruitless attempt to find the right cliche or canned comment to make about our situation.

I'd forgotten about it by the time the car rental rep was driving us home. We were talking about our trip and I mentioned that we were both ready to be out of the car, after spending so much time together there over the weekend. She told me, "Well, you'll be really happy for that Daddy bonding time later ..." I didn't think anything of it, I just told her, "Oh yeah, we spend all day together, I stay home with him."

"OH!" ... and then silence.

I never let this bug me before I had kids. There's so few of us civilian male spouses, we just never make it onto most people's radars, so why would they have anything to say?

I try very hard not to feel slighted and I'm not playing the victim card here. After all, we're outside the norm and I just get an occasional silly question; my wife and other military women have had to deal with far worse stereotyping. And this isn't something that's unique to the military, I'm sure most stay-at-home-dads hear it from time to time.

Still, why would anyone still believe the underlying assumptions? They're either saying that Mommy SHOULD be at home, or else they're assuming Daddy wouldn't spend his days buying groceries, changing diapers and making dinner.

I guess I should be happy to be out there breaking down stereotypes, making it clear to the folks with preconceived notions that I'm happy my wife is in a career she loves and what's more I ENJOY spending all day with Theo and being the support system for a talented and driven Naval officer. I'm basically a 230 lb. kid, why wouldn't I love it?

Still -- not to beat a dead horse, since friends and I have been over and over the Mr. Mom thing -- I don't think I need to be happy about having my role minimized, as if somehow a man is missing the skills to be a good full-time parent and housekeeper.

In the end, my wife and I aren't out to make any grand feminist statements and we certainly never planned our lives to intentionally undermine traditional gender roles. We just feel lucky that we live during a time when each of us can have the job that suits our skills and temperaments. It's a wonderful feeling to know that even if I get a few weird questions and funny looks, no one thinks twice anymore about a woman in my wife's position.

Military spouse appreciation day

I hope both my readers spent today appreciating me -- today has been declared "Military Spouse Appreciation Day."

I guess I always have to be the contrarian, but I'm really not much for these sorts of observances. I know I'm appreciated by the folks who matter -- my wife, the rest of our family and my wife's shipmates/chain of command. I'm grateful for the sentiments of outsiders, but from my point of view there's nothing notable about raising our kid, supporting my wife and enabling her to achieve her ambitions. It's really just the bare minimum any responsible, loving person would do for their spouse.

No matter how difficult it might be to be separated, I'm not the one living in an enclosed space with 3000 strangers and not touching land for 6-9 months while being shot at. I know civilian couples who work more difficult schedules and endure weekly or monthly separations for business-related travel, some of them for less money than Ruth makes. I feel like we've got it pretty good: I make no money whatsoever, but she has a secure job that pays well enough (with some budgeting and planning, of course) for us to live out our values and she still comes home 7 nights out of 10 saying "I have the coolest job!"

I know not every military spouse feels this way and we are far happier about our situation than a lot of people in the military community -- so a happy Military Spouse day and THANK YOU to all those spouses for whom the military lifestyle is one of endurance, rather than enjoyment.

For those outside the community, wondering what "Appreciation" might mean in practice, beyond just one day of words, Leanne at MilitaryAvenue.com has 101 great ideas that don't neglect the male spouse.

My own thoughts about meaningful, ongoing ways to recognize the sacrifices of the spouse:

If you run a business that offers a military discount, offer the same discount to dependents. Her money is my money, so it's frustrating when a discount is only available to my wife who is so often away. Kudos to companies who DO recognize this reality and give the same treatment to servicemembers and their dependents, like USAA, Choice Hotels and Southwest Airlines.

Give of your time or money to the organizations supporting wounded soldiers and their families. They are the ones who have really had their lives turned upside down as a result of military service, and all indications are that the unconventional nature of this war and advances in battlefield medicine will leave our veterans with thousands upon thousands of permanent injuries that no one expected.

...and if you could do one thing for me today, stop asking my son where his mommy is at, as if I'm a stranger he was abandoned with. A post about this coming up later in the weekend...

Banana Bread recipe

I've been using this banana bread recipe since pretty much forever. Makes a huge loaf. Saw a Twitter contact ask for a recipe this morning, figured I should actually write it down for once.

5 TB butter, softened
1/2 cup of brown sugar (I usually use dark brown)
1/2 cup of regular granulated sugar
2 eggs (you can get by with one, but let's not go halfway here -- this isn't bread, it's a loaf-shaped cake.)
1tsp vanilla extract
3-4 bananas, as overripe as you can stand to have in your house.

1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 cups all-purpose flour

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine first five ingredients in stand mixer. Mix on low-medium speed until well-combined. Add bananas, mix on low-medium until broken into pieces and combined. Seeing lumps of banana is good.

While mixing, combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Once bananas are combined, mix dry ingredients gradually, scraping sides with spatula. When completely combined, add nuts or chocolate chips or whatever add-ons you like in banana bread; I know some folks swear by chocolate and sometimes I do walnuts, but usually don't add anything.

Scrape into a buttered loaf pan, bake for 50-60 minutes, until the edges are brown, the middle of the loaf isn't jiggly when the pan is moved and a toothpick inserted an inch or so off-center comes out clean. The very center will be soft (but NOT jiggly!) when the edges are done, it will finish after pulling it out of the oven. I think the edges are too dry if it stays in the oven until the center is completely cooked. Cool for 20 minutes in the pan, remove from the pan and then cool on a rack.

Getting around

Last week I finally took my bike down to the local shop to have a toddler seat installed. After using it yesterday for the first time, I'm kicking myself for not doing it earlier.

Even though I've never been a frequent biker, I was able to get Theo strapped in, balance the bike and ride at my usual speed in no time. I thought I'd stay on the local trail for a couple days to get acclimated, check brakes and so forth, but after less than 20 minutes I headed out on the streets in our neighborhood. I was able to ride around the neighborhood for at least an hour with no aches or pains as a result.

I'd suspected that Theo would chafe at being strapped into a seat and helmet, making the whole exercise a gigantic waste, but he had a GREAT time. He smiled at everyone we saw and never touched the helmet. When we stopped at the playground, despite all the other kids and his favorite slides, he was begging to get back in the bike 20 minutes after we stopped.

I'd been re-thinking our one car situation again lately. We don't get to the YMCA or the library as much as I'd like because we're on foot and even the easy walks, to Starbucks or the grocery will get tougher in the summer heat. On a bike, all those places will be an easy ride and I can even go for the mall downtown, the farmer's market or the zoo if I have the energy. If he's actually looking forward to bike rides, we'll be having a blast.

Alternate transportation is even more important on this tour because my wife's ship is in the yards. Having a single car was much easier when she'd be out of town with the ship for days and weeks at a time; now she's driving to work early five or six days a week and getting home late, so I have to plan farther ahead to have the car.

I am still thinking about that second car. My biggest regret right now is that I don't socialize at all with the friends we were most looking forward to seeing back here in Norfolk. The five miles to our old 'hood is as far away as RI when we don't have a car every day.

I promise photos sometime soon. Need to have Mommy home to take some photos when we go ride.

Home dairy delivery back in Norfolk

I had a couple more posts all queued up two weeks ago until life interfered, as it sometimes does. Car problems, Computer problems, Theo problems, I couldn't find time to brew, then I did find time to brew...

... but enough whining. I guess I'm lucky I don't get paid to meet deadlines anymore. The good news after all these episodes is that the garage that messed up the car did the right thing and we will use them again, the computer is under warranty, Theo is over his teething or growing pains and even if my brew session wasn't perfect, it's still going to be beer.

We had more good news the past couple weeks, as not one, but two replacements for the late, lamented Yoder Dairies home delivery service came to Hampton Roads.

We already knew and liked Oberweis from our years living in Chicago. I was surprised to hear they'd expanded all the way to Tidewater, but on the other hand there's obviously a market here and quality companies are always looking to grow.

We'd never heard of the other new delivery service, South Mountain Creamery, but after some research it's the option we chose. They dropped off our first delivery of milk, butter, eggs and yogurt late this morning in our old Yoder dairy box -- SO happy the money we spent on that box didn't go to waste and loving the sound of the glass bottles clinking in the fridge again!

Both companies sell products from non-factory dairies that don't use growth hormones or unnecessary antibiotics. We figure that Theo is still drinking a lot of milk and eating a lot of cheese and yogurt, so anytime we can choose non-hormone dairy we do it. The same reasoning goes for buying non-factory eggs and meat: Happy, less stressed animals are going to taste better and make better products.

After thinking it over, we decided to go with SMC because the majority of their products come from close by at their family farm in Maryland and the source of anything they're reselling is clearly explained on their web page.

The problems with the factory farm model have been well documented. Even though it's probably not practical to feed the world exclusively from small sustainable operations, we think it's worth a little more money to support a family business trying to bring a higher quality product to a broader market. If you're living in Hampton Roads or elsewhere in South Mountain Creamery's delivery area, check them out.

Seeing two different companies arrive to replace Yoder also got me thinking -- there was a lot of wailing and teeth-gnashing about the demise of Yoder, the passing of a old tradition, blaming the economy and yadda yadda yadda.

Now two quality companies are looking for growth opportunities and jump into Yoder's old market, despite what Yoder and so many others said about how the lousy economy doomed their business model. The unemployed get similar, if not identical jobs and consumers get more choices.

Of course, it's possible only one of these companies, or neither of them, will survive locally; and I don't want to make this a big political point or question Yoder's business, because we were happy customers. But if I didn't know any better, I'd say that this is exactly how the market is supposed to work. Downturns eliminate weaker, complacent companies and gives the bolder, stronger companies a chance to grow, to compete in new markets and make everyone better off in the long run -- customers, employees and owners alike. Just a thought.

Some family pictures...

My wife was in the sword arch for a shipmate's wedding last weekend. It's not very often I catch her in dress uniform, so I brought along the camera and took a ton of pictures, these are some of the better ones.





I think it amuses Ruth that I get so picture-happy when she's in a dress uniform, although she does admit that she looks good all decked out and wearing her bling.

Certainly, I think she's gorgeous and I love the symbolism in the uniform. Beyond that, over time these pictures in her dress uniform will tell the story of every step in her unique journey, as she progressed from Recruit to Petty Officer to getting her commission. I want our kids and their kids to know her story and learn the lesson that no one is defined by where or how they grew up, but by their willingness to work and not give up. She'll be the first to tell you that some of those medals are of the "just happened to be here" or "perfect attendance" variety, but there's others that signify hard work and achievements she's right to be proud of.

Most days she tells me "it's just a job" and she has a point. A lot of her days as an officer aren't much different than mine were running a helpdesk: Sit in front of a computer, sit through long meetings, check up on projects, make some calls, send some reports. Even the Navy's day-to-day "working" uniforms reflect the reality that far more time is spent preparing to fight than actually fighting.

These special occasions and the symbols that go with them are part of what makes her job "...more than just a job..." as the old advertisement put it.

Twitter makes me a better military spouse

If you're looking at the blog's main page, you may have noticed my Twitter feed, under the "What I'm doing now" heading in the right-hand sidebar.

Those unfamiliar with Twitter always ask me the same questions -- first, "What IS it?" and then, after I've explained the concept: "Why do you do that? What's the point?"

First the "what": Twitter is a micro-blogging platform, based around the concept of sharing "What I'm doing right now" in 140 characters or less. Updates can be broadcast via text message, web page or RSS feed. Users "follow" each others' Twitter feeds and can reply publicly or privately to any other user.

This is an accurate description, it's also completely useless to anyone who hasn't used it! The difficulty, I tell them, in describing Twitter is that you can't say what it is without describing what it does, and it does something different for everyone who tries it.

For instance, I use it as part of the constantly updated content in my blog sidebar -- my sidebar content keeps the site active and lets me share day-to-day activities and links to other articles on the Internet without creating a full blog post. Because I can update Twitter via text message, I can update the sidebar from my cheap cell phone, without needing a computer -- as I did earlier today, when I sent a tweet during an impromptu visit to the zoo.

Twitter also updates my Facebook status, so one status update from my cell phone or any computer goes to three different places.

There has been another unexpected benefit to Twitter that relates directly to being a military spouse. My wife's Internet connection aboard ship doesn't allow her to read webmail or my blog and email is often intermittent -- but they haven't decided to block Twitter (yet; that may change by the time you read this, as it gets more popular). So as long as the Internet is available, she is able to check my twitter updates and see what it is Theo and I are doing during the day.

Crazy as it sounds, this tracking of our mundane family activities has become one of the most powerful uses of Twitter. Every deployment starts with good intentions to send letters and emails every day outlining the details our service member would want to know -- where the family went that day, what was for dinner, what was in the diaper after dinner -- but real life and real exhaustion often intervene.

The spouse at home doesn't always have a computer or pen & paper available to record thoughts in the moment. When we do get the time to write our deployed sweetie, we've all had those nights where we say, "Today was nothing special ... what am I going to find to write about tonight?"

I certainly forget from time to time that my mundane and boring is like a breath of fresh air for my deployed wife. Recording what we're up to makes Ruth feel that much closer to us every day. Even now that she's in port, I might forget something interesting or cute that happened that day, but as long as I send a Tweet, she will get the news. As often as not, she'll start the dinner conversation with "So, I saw that you went to the store (or playground, or zoo) today!"

And these are just the uses I've found for maintaining my own Twitter updates. I haven't even mentioned the value in following (reading the Tweets) of my friends, other people who live near me, bloggers and writers with similar interests, or celebrities and people in the media.

I'd encourage you to try it out, or share the unique ways you already use Twitter or other social networking to keep up with your friends and family.