At a newspaper, it's called "burying the lede."

I noted in the previous post that it was a busy weekend here. We had a mandatory appointment in Cranston, so we decided to combine that commitment with several other "overseas" appointments and make a full day of it.

First off, fingerprinting with the USCIS. Part of pursuing an overseas adoption is getting pre-approval to bring an orphan into the country and anyone with an open immigration case has to be fingerprinted every year. Our previous experience with this process was a gargantuan cattle call, predictably time-consuming and bureaucratic ... and that was before we dragged a 13-month-old along.

So we geared up for an all-day mission with sippy cups, snacks and toys, clearing our schedule for the day well into the afternoon. So of course, when I opened the door to enter the facility...it was empty. Just the three of us, one older lady, and the USCIS employees. They took our prints, played with Theo, asked a lot of questions about our adoption, commiserated with us regarding the current indefinite waiting period for adopting from China and gave us some advice about what we have to look forward to. Not that our first visit for fingerprinting was bad -- it was what we'd expected -- but the relative ease of this visit was refreshing and set the tone for the day. We even used some of the the extra time later in the day to complete a couple other adoption-related errands that could be finished on a Saturday.

Once the fingerprinting was done, we had some merchandise to pick up at REI, which is fast becoming one of my favorite stores. We spent all the time we'd expected to be at USCIS browsing the clearance sale and Daddy managed to pick up a new pair of sandals and some hiking shoes that are already seeing good use. I don't think I've spent so much on shoes (and they were even on sale) in years, but my feet can't handle being abused by unsupported shoes anymore.

Later, Ruth had an appointment for a dress fitting, so the two boys ran some errands at Babies 'R' Us and Target. BRU on a Saturday was exactly the sort of clusterfuck of oblivious self-absorbed pregnant couples, new parents and prospective grandparents I'd expected, combined with a staff who sees so many cute babies that my cute baby garnered no attention whatsoever. But in addition to the shopping it gave us the time and facilities for a much-needed diaper change and sippy cup fillup, so all the better. Biggest surprise was the small, inadequate changing table setup in the men's room. C'mon, BRU, I get better at a rest stop in Jersey.

By mid-afternoon we were pretty beat up and Mr. Man hadn't had a proper nap, so we made our way home to make sure he got some rest. And Sunday? Sunday was boring. Thank goodness.

One more major development from the weekend: Daddy is no longer the only person in the house staggering drunkenly from room to room, falling forward every four or five steps. I'll have video as soon as I can catch him in the act...

Ribs update

Because the weekend was spent away from the computer (more on that later), I never had the chance to update the ribs post. I don't blame James for being impatient, because it probably seemed like a gigantic tease.

From 11:30 AM until about 8:30 that night, I left the ribs in the grill, adding charcoal every hour or so and turning the slab around once. Temperature on the grill thermometer probably averaged 225-250 degrees F. The drippings boiled in the aluminum foil so I didn't even bother using a thermometer to check the meat.

At 8:30 PM, we had this:



When Ruth came home from her outing, I served up the ribs to her and a couple friends along with some homebrews:



The meat, encrusted with the dry rub fell off the bones, tasted spicy and smoky but not mouth-burning hot. The rib bones crumbled apart to reveal the browned marrow, so rich that cleaning off the meat and the marrow from two ribs left my usually cast-iron stomach a touch queasy.

Yes, this magic will be performed again SOON.

Carlin on SNL

Set your DVRs -- Saturday Night Live this week will be a re-airing of their first-ever episode from 1975, which was hosted by George Carlin.

I LOL'd

As linked everywhere else on the Intertubes, Lit101 Class in Three Lines or Less:

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.

THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.

C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Today's project

Do you believe in magic? I do. Today's plan is to take this:



and this:



and in a process something like this:



we will create a magic that the ancient wise ones called "Dinner."

As you can see, there's excitement over here about these plans...

You'll get nothing and like it

Swim class has moved to Wednesdays for the time being, and this afternoon is Aquidneck Growers' Market day in Newport. So this may be all the bloggishness you get for the day.

In the meantime, I've probably added a dozen new links to my Shared Items in the past 24 hours; check them out, and if you prefer to read my blog via RSS, add the separate "Shared Items" feed.

And thanks to yesterday's library trip, I'm reading books again; until I get the "Books I'm reading now" sidebar back up and running, I'll note that right now I'm enjoying Into Thin Airby Jon Krakauer.

Compare and contrast

Theo at six months:



Theo at 13 months:



Please, whoever stole our baby and replaced him with this other kid: Just return the original, Raising Arizona style, and we won't call the police. Promise.

Does two bloggers constitute a "meme?"

So I finally found a hole in the schedule today to walk to the library, and as luck would have it Ruth pulled a three hour lunch, so it became a family outing. After paying some fines and making our selections, we noted that their book clearance sale was still going on, so we figured we'd see if there was anything interesting.

As luck would have it, there were a couple paperbacks and a couple hardcovers that filled holes in our library; once we'd picked up three hardcovers between us, I figured that given the 6 for $5 price tag I might as well grab a few more that I'd heard about or wanted to read but never found the time; we'll just redonate them once we read them.

So, in blatant imitation of Tom's book sale post, here's a photo of our haul; it pales next to his in quantity and probably quality, but having them here instead of the library makes it more likely Ruth and I will read something besides a computer screen, a goal we've had for a while now...



EDIT: Added the actual link to Tom's post. Duuuuuuuurrrrrr.

Just received

Much like the show itself, I could tell you how awesome it is, but it's 10 times more awesome in person.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits

George Carlin was so good at what he did for so long that a lot of people who enjoy him today (damn kids, etc) might not have even heard the sketch referenced in the title of this post. He didn't tolerate any bullshit or bullshitters, which I liked. Although he would probably call bullshit on anyone who presumed intimate knowledge of a celebrity based on a public persona, so I should probably just shut up and make coffee.

So, bye bye, so long, see ya later, take it easy, be cool, hang loose, stay in there,
and don't get run over.

Newport Great Chowder Cook-Off

In the run-up to Grandpa and Grandma being in town, I completely neglected to post about this year's Great Chowder Cook-Off. After attending the past four years, this is no doubt my favorite Newport event, hands-down.

Luckily, Tom and Michelle and...um, Michelle again didn't drop the blog the way I did. Thanks y'all.

We'd fed Theo right before we left, so a full stomach and the hot weather left him without any interest in the chowdah. We'll fix that soon enough.

The hot weather meant big crowds, which I always have an issue tolerating. Our favorite year by far was the year the weather was cloudy and maybe 60 degrees -- very few people came out, even though you'd think that sort of weather would suggest "hot creamy comfort food" more so than 90 and sunny.

As seasoned (and simmered, this year) veterans of the Cook-Off, we were a little disappointed -- there seemed to be fewer participating restaurants compared to years past and very few who had traveled any distance. We all figured that gas prices were probably at least partly to blame. The Blue Mermaid, from San Francisco, was noticeable for having traveled a long way and seemed to be the favorite among the folks we hung out with -- I see from their site that they are a past winner.

Our other gripe: Not enough of the restaurants had servers working the outskirts of the crowd with samples, which caused the elbow-throwing throngs around the booths to become intolerable (Michelle, in her post above, was right on point about the general rudeness). The "I hate people" factor caused us to leave without eating nearly as much chowdah as I'd like, but I still left happy.

My wife hates me this morning

So twice in the past week we've been out in public and heard Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend." That's once more than is required to fix the song in my head for about a week.

Of course, there's only one visual that goes along with this song, and I had to find it:

Chris Farley - Chippendales | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Extra special bonus tangentially-Loverboy-related video materials:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Revenge of the Mooninites

Things I never thought I'd say, toddler time

Ruth: "Have you noticed how he can stand unsupported a long time, but only if he's concentrating on something else?"

John: "Oh, totally. The laws of gravity don't apply to him until he notices that he should be falling. Our kid is Wile E. Coyote."

GREAT idea

On the radio this week I heard a piece of trivia about Rhode Island that can and should be implemented nationwide: The General Assembly chambers of the RI State House are NOT air-conditioned. The radio voice said that "The chamber can get stifling hot, even in the winter."

Do I even have to explain why this is the best idea EVUR? No? Good.

This week I'm the Anti-Midas

Back when I was working for money -- in the days before I realized I'd rather be scooping toddler shit for free -- I was pretty good at my job. Some customers believed the simple act of calling me scared their servers into operation. On the right day at the right customer, what I did was "...indistinguishable from magic."

But even so, there would be other times when I called myself "The Anti-Midas." Days or weeks when no matter how hard I tried or how carefully I worked, instead of turning into gold, everything I touched turned to shit. It wasn't just me; I saw it happen at one time or another to even the smartest people I worked with. Whether it was cosmic rays or the tides or just coincidence, routine five-minute tasks would swallow up hours and common problems would take days to fix.

Those days were always the most stressful, as schedules were ruined and colleagues interrupted with questions that had no good answers; but most of all because I felt stupid, as if I'd woke up to find the English language replaced with Arabic (and Arabic replaced by Vogon, or something). When I listed to myself the things I wouldn't miss about work, "feeling stupid" was near the top.

So of course, over a year after diving into househusbandry, I find that my friend is back. I broke a glass and a bowl while my parents were in town and had several more slip from my hands at inopportune times. The frames of my sunglasses broke a couple days ago for no reason I could see (well, they were $2 sunglasses, that may be reason enough).

But I didn't see the pattern forming until yesterday. I spent a good part of the morning brooding over the house we're selling (lots of showings but no offers after 3 months), but I called the Realtor for a spine injection and thought I felt fine afterwards. Theo woke up from his nap and we started getting ready to meet Mommy for lunch.

I turn my back to grab his shoes, and in about .93 seconds he managed to pull down the gate in front of the cat dishes and spill water all over the kitchen floor. Hey, not like we aren't late already and now you're crying because I took you away from the encroaching puddle.

After cleaning up the mess, I get him to the car and I'm calm, because it's a gorgeous day and we're going to eat outside. I sit down in the driver's seat, go to adjust the rear view mirrors, and the power mirror adjustment knob snaps off in my hand. I am never fucking buying another Volkswagen, which in German means "People's easily snapped plastic doodads."

That's when it hit me -- Mr. Anti-Midas, we meet again. So of course, 10 minutes later, when Ruth has put a smile back on my face, we pull up to the O-Club, where due to a mysterious kitchen problem, they basically chase us away -- for the second time in two weeks, no less.

By the time I climbed into bed last night, I was just happy that the kid was breathing, I still had all my limbs attached, and the house hadn't burned down.

So this morning, 10 minutes after my feet hit the floor I start to rinse out the press pot for coffee and -- CRASH -- the glass pitcher falls right out of the frame, which has split in two due to who-the-fuck-knows-why. This doesn't bode well, but on the bright side nothing shattered this time, so maybe things are looking up.

Still, if my computer weren't still under warranty I wouldn't be touching it right now. I did start an unscheduled backup of all my important stuff this morning, because I KNOW what happens on days like this.

And now? The power company is back outside with their asphalt saws and jackhammers digging up the intersection for the third time this month (at least it's not at 10pm this time) and Theo is crying instead of napping; two events that may or may not be related.

So yeah. I think I may open the tonic water a little earlier today. Hopefully I don't cut off my thumb with an ice cube...

BOB the stroller

I've been planning a post for a few weeks to review our new BOB Revolution,which has quickly become a new member of the family. It has taken Theo some time to get used to it, but he's reaching the point where he's as excited to see me setting it up as he is to see his Moby Wrap.

Pay no attention to the manufacturer, who calls it "The perfect stroller for family life in the 'burbs!" This is a stroller that begs to be on the street and the trail, not stashed in the back of an SUV to be used in Target or the Mall (although I'll admit it would work well there as well).

Living in Newport, where the sidewalks and streets are sometimes paved and sometimes brick, but rarely level and never wide, an everyday stroller has to be lightweight, not too wide, with big tires and a heavy-duty suspension. Tall guys like me need the handlebar to be tall enough to push with no hunching. This solid stroller totally fits all those criteria, plus it gets the job done as a jogger or for general baby transport. It rolls smooth on any surface, and tilts easily over the monster curbs here in Newport.

Despite all that, It's light enough once folded for either of us to carry one-handed and it folds small enough to shove into the trunk of our Jetta and still leave room back there for a shopping trip. We bring it into the house folded and never even notice it stashed into a corner of the living room. If space is at a premium, all three wheels have bike-style quick releases so it would take up even less room.

If you were looking for an in-depth discussion of the brakes, shade, safety harness, front wheel adjustments, cupholders, etc...well, yeah, that stuff all works too, and extremely well. There are sunshade and rainshade attachments, but we've never had a situation where the built-in hood wasn't sufficient.

Most importantly, it's the perfect accessory for the cute baby about town:




Also, thanks to Rosanne for selling me on the BOB.

No scurvy in this house

I may be an amateur brewer and coffee lover, but when the sun is high, there's not a cloud in the sky and running the kid around on errands all afternoon kicked my ass, there's just no substitute for relaxing that tired ass on the deck with a vodka tonic.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging, which should read somewhat less like a 1950s cigarette advertisement.

Last week's excuse for no posts

I just finished a mini-vacation of sorts, as Theo's grandparents left Sunday morning after a weeklong visit. They have no particular agenda when they visit us other than to spend time with Spud, so I didn't really have to provide any entertainment. I had no problem passing up a couple diapers a day and handing off the evening routine to Grandma and Grandpa.

With all the extra willing hands, I even had the extra time and energy for a few things I normally wouldn't if just Theo and I were around: my Dad and I brewed a batch of beer one afternoon/evening; I spent a full afternoon and half the night cooking pulled pork on the grill; and after some confusion over plans Ruth and I even went to a friend's going away party by ourselves.

Just taking that walk to and from the pub on our own was refreshing -- it's pretty obvious we don't get out by ourselves as much as we should, but life is like that sometimes, not always what you're planning.

Of course, while Ruth was in school during the day we took plenty of walks with Theo -- we showed Mom and Dad around Island Cemetery, Ruth had an afternoon off so we all went to the Cliff Walk and while Theo napped one day, Mom and Dad went to Touro Synagogue.

Since Ruth generally has long lunch hours, we mostly went out to lunch (and sometimes breakfast or coffee) at our fave spots around Newport and ate dinner at home, although one night we did get out to The Mooring (where they treated Theo very well although we're discovering he's not much for seafood) followed by gelato at Cold Fusion.

It was a great time. Even though the heat wave at the beginning of the week kept us at home a couple afternoons, it also chased us into the shade of the backyard, which was relaxing for all of us and yet more new adventures for Theo. Dad and I spent quite a bit of time holding down lawn chairs and sampling each other's homebrew.

I can't imagine the week could've been any better and from the way Theo's face lit up every time he saw his grandparents, I'm betting he agrees.

So now it's back to finding other reasons for a sporadic posting schedule!

Vice Guide to North Korea

I realize this has already been linked at every other site on the Internet, but some of us can only watch this shit during ever-shorter naptimes, so we get around to things later than everyone else.

Of course they never have the chance to talk to any unapproved person, but I found it fascinating, in an "Orwell never would've imagined THIS" kind of way.

I guess there's something about seeing this sort of totalitarian dystopian personality-cult mindfuck through the eyes of people closer to my own age and mindset, who weren't much more than kids when the USSR fell apart and China started to give up?

Your assignment is to go watch all 14 epis.

My calling in life

The great thing about being Daddy? I can go to the park and ride swings, use the slides and goof off on the playground equipment as much as I'd like, as long as I have Theo nearby.

Of course, the second I set foot onto the wood chips without the boy, I'm "creepy old dude" and there's going to be police involvement. The venerable C&D research arm, which I like to call "The Global Institute for Pulling Numbers Out of My Ass," has found that the general population's perceived threat from a lone male goes from 80% to 0.4% the moment you give him a baby or toddler to carry.

Maybe we'll reach "putting away" by the time he's in high school

Looking after a 1-year-old isn't just about tripping over baby gates and wondering if beer is an appropriate 8 AM beverage. I'm here to help everyone see those advantages.

For instance, when putting away leftovers, I previously had to open a cabinet and search for the proper size of plastic container. Today, I'm able to find the exact tupperware I'm looking for spread all over the floor. Thanks, Theo!

Our little reader

This week has been a biggie for Theo, as most of the birthday presents we bought for him finally arrived from Amazon. He's pretty happy about them, although he never plays with any of them very long; he's not Mr. Attention Span.

Yesterday, some new board booksarrived and I'm thrilled to say ... I think he's happier about the books than the shape sorter or puzzles or the Leapfrog Table.

For the longest time, books were not interesting to him at all. At best, he'd sit still while I read and not reach out and slam the book shut; at worst, they were chew toys (We need a replacement "Moo Moo Brown Cow," as the original has been halved in size).

For the longest time, I was afraid maybe we weren't reading to him enough. Sometimes a day or two would pass without me sitting down with him and a book (Go ahead; call Children & Families and the goon squad from Parenting Magazine to have me put down for neglect). When he's not interested in the book or even in being held, forcing him to stay in one place was a trial.

Then, suddenly in the past month...a light has clicked on. I sit down with "Big Red Barn" or "Goodnight Moon" and read the first few words, and I get one of my guaranteed super-cute Theo smiles for the day, right up there with waking up in the morning. We still don't finish the book half the time, but at least it's some positive feedback.

Now, when we've left him to play alone for a while, I don't resign myself to finding pieces of chewed-up book; again and again I've looked across the kitchen to see him sitting down with one of his books in his lap, turning through the pages one by one. The book is usually upside down, but that's just fine with me for now.

Suddenly reading with him is a time we both seem to look forward to, instead of a required chore replacing something we'd both rather be doing. Hopefully he keeps up with a love of books longer than his old man has...

Of course, he comes by it honestly.

Things I never thought I'd say, bathtub edition

"No! Theo, that belongs to Daddy. You have one of your own to play with."

Venture Bros. new season, T-shirt of the week

Because OF COURSE you've already watched the first two seasons of Venture Brothers, right? RIGHT??

If not, then as your life, style and lifestyle adviser I suggest you re-examine how you're spending your time.