The day is coming...

Ruth went to the base and checked in this morning. She's now waiting for a call -- at any time they can call her to get on a plane at a moment's notice to go to her ship. Chances are she'll have more notice than that, but maybe not.

So yeah, we're all totally relaxed and having a great time. Thhhhhhhpppppppt.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Another sign we're growing up fast

Theo was begging for attention all day, so after dinner I sat down with him in the living room while he played. He stood up, ran over to me and started hugging my knees, pretty normal "I'm needy today" behavior. I thought I felt the beginning of a bite, so I pulled him away...

"Theo, no biting! Do you want to go to bed right now?"

Kid looks up at me and clear as day yells "YES!"

Ruth and I both blinked. "You heard that too? Well, OK then! Theo, if you want to go night-night, go to the stairs."

Quick as a flash, he's standing in front of the gate on the stairway. I took him upstairs and he practically put himself to sleep. Throw the books on the floor, can the songs, forget the milk, all he wanted was the crib.

Writing this down reminds me -- this wasn't even the first time he'd done this. During last month's road trip, probably the first or second night at my parents' house, he walked US through the bedtime routine. Out of the blue, long before we'd even considered bedtime, he grabbed Goodnight Moon and brought it over to Grandpa (who had pulled a lot of bedtime duty during his visit a couple weeks prior), then started pointing at the refrigerator door and yelling until I put it together -- he knows that's where his milk lives.

Never underestimate a toddler -- they know what they want, we just need to watch carefully and know the right questions to ask.

Life in my house

Ruth: "What are you nerding up to now?"

Me: "Thinking about a new blog post."

Ruth: "About what?"

Me: "I dunno. If I knew I'd be writing it."

Excitement?

A question I've been hearing a lot lately is "Are you excited about your new house?"

The answer, every time -- No. I'm not excited. Not even a little, and I'm not sure why.

It's a very nice house. It's in a gorgeous neighborhood. Our neighbors are friendly and generous with us. We're an easy walk or near-instant drive to everything we enjoy about Norfolk. There's very little it requires in the way of redecorating or repairs -- I painted a couple rooms and we're hanging curtain rods.

There's still plenty of boxes to empty and things to be organized and stored and hung on the walls, but when I'm not busy procrastinating, isn't all that part of the fun of a new place?

Yet, the only thing I've been even mildly excited about this week was our new refrigerator.

I definitely don't regret buying in the midst of the current financial climate. Before the real estate slowdown, this house would've easily sold for far more than we paid, so in that sense we got a "great deal." We have a solid, unspectacular loan with lots of money down from a local bank and my wife has an extremely secure, well-paid job in (sadly) a growth market. We also received some reminders during this move about the uncertainties and inconveniences of renting that left me happy we didn't go that route here.

Despite all our friends here, we did leave some friends and a comfortable routine behind in New England; I could just be missing our past lives, looking for something to replace them.

One possibility that has been sneaking into my head recently -- Ruth is weeks, or even just days, from getting on an airplane and heading to wherever her new ship will be meeting her. As we've learned from experience, approaching separations such as deployments cause all kinds of strange, almost random behavior when we know they're inevitable. This could be predeployment dread that I'm just directing at our new house.

Or, maybe I've finally truly internalized the nomadic lifestyle of the military family and it's left me hopelessly cynical about what should be a happy time. I know that if Ruth's plans come together then this house, however beautiful, is going to pass out of our lives in 4-5 years or less.

So...yeah. This little vent has cleared up nothing in my mind. It is a very nice house. Theo, Guinness and Aslan have settled in like they've lived here forever. I guess that's enough for me.

Our travels...

So today is the first time I've been on the Internet since Monday morning. As usual when I don't have easy access, the entire time my mind has been racing with funny and insightful blog posts that will never see pixels.

We've moved into the new house with no hiccups so far. The kitchen doesn't have as much storage as we'd first thought, but a trip to IKEA will solve that pretty quickly.

Theo and I left Norfolk Sept. 5 to meet Ruth in Newport. After enjoying a few last visits around town and seeing Ruth graduate from DH school, we went back to Norfolk for a few days. Monday afternoon found us back on the road driving to IL for visits to relatives.

I'm pretty much brain dead at this point. Might have more to say about the trip but maybe not.

Cubs Win!

It's been a long day.

Photo credit: Grandpa

We're here

It took about 11 hours total, pretty amazing with a toddler and two cats, but we made it to Norfolk. We may have a house tomorrow, I hope.

Cats were SILENT almost the whole way down, which isn't like them. Theo was an absolute angel, because he always is. Bedtime for me. Walkthrough tomorrow morning...

Dear users of the Craigslist "Free Stuff" section

The proper response to a listing under "Free Stuff" is "When are you available for me to come to your house and take these items off your hands?" The proper response is not "Hey, call my cell phone."

Let's think about this -- from the moment I decide that something in my house that has been sitting in a closet since I moved in 3.5 years ago is worth so little to us that it must be given/thrown away, I'm doing YOU a favor. From the moment I pressed "publish", I stopped having an archaic music box in my house, and started holding a piece of YOUR property until you can come here and pick it up.

I might give partial credit for "Call my cell phone to give me your address and I will come straight over," but chances are that I'm going to get three responses in the first couple hours a listing is online, and whoever makes me do the least work is getting the goods.

And yes, I realize it would've taken me less time to dial a phone number than write a blog post. Shuddup.

Now begone, before we taunt you a second time

I put up a link to this at right, but man oh man there's nothing finer than the reaction in the Cuban press to the US Navy sending an amphibious ship full of doctors, dentists and aid workers to the Caribbean as part of an ongoing series of humanitarian missions.

I'm looking at this line in particular:

The USS Kearsarge will remain in Latin America for four months and will land in five nations of Central and South America and the Caribbean after landing in Nicaragua.

Panama, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Guyana, and Trinidad and Tobago are the other nations that will soon feel intimidated by the warship before it returns to its base in Virginia.

one note

Although she's busy in school all day and has 200,000 other things to do, and didn't have a car, my wife made sure I had half-and-half in the house this morning. She obviously realizes her husband is a simple man, and she's dreamy.

Home, if you can call it that

Theo and I arrived back in Newport from our extended roadtrip yesterday afternoon.

Of course, with just about a week and a half until the movers arrive, this place is barely home anymore. The hiatus may continue, aside from a snarky comment or two and maybe some reader items posted.

Blogging from the road never even occurred to me. Too busy living, or just busy, I guess.

As much as I love to go on long road trips, the day before is never a good scene in my house. I try to come up with every possible excuse not to go or even to get ready to go.

Maybe that's a good thing, today, since there's plenty of purging and packing still to do in these parts. Of course, during the purge'n'pack I'm thinking of all the things on the trip list that aren't getting done, thinking that leaving for two weeks is stupid and I should find an excuse to come back early, and thinking that I'm not doing nearly enough rolling around on the floor with Theo this morning.

Once I'm out on the road all will be well, of course, and once I'm in IL I won't think nearly as much about needing to come back. Maybe I should just throw everything in the suitcase and start driving, ready or not...

RIP, The Morning Nap 2007-2008

So ever since the weather has improved, I've been hoping that maybe Theo would drop his morning nap early, give us a chance to start getting out and about more during the day. He's always been very sensitive to not getting his naps in, so leaving the house for more than a quick morning walk was tempting fate.

So of course, now that I really need him occupied for several hours in the morning and afternoon so I can get things done around the house, he has of course decided that he doesn't need that morning nap after all. Dropped it practically overnight, as if he never slept in the mornings at all.

Watch what I wish for, I guess.

Quote of the night, so far

"Only in retrospect do I see the wisdom of the great many things I've done."

An IT guy's job is sometimes therapy.

"Hi, I'm a Mac..."

And, you're a pussy.

We're finally getting past the stereotype of Macs as the computer for artistic, sensitive, effeminate types. There's gotta be a dozen easily led blonds in Hollywood for every Drew Barrymore, go hook up with two or three of them and tell your publicist to stop describing you as "distraught" in public.

Then zap your PRAM and rebuild your desktop. You never know what viruses those Hollywood types are carrying...

Whoops, Old Mac Guy mistake, he's running OS X. How about "Reset your system management controller and run Software Update?"

Update

Kid is STILL ASLEEP at 8:30 AM, probably because he was awake (as were we all) from about 4 until 5:30 this morning. Sounded like teeth, or maybe a bad dream... who knows?

I'm very happy with how the house is coming along. The basement has taken far less time than I thought, the attic is almost done, and the garbage bags and donation bags are moving out the door. We're even getting more money than we'd thought for our used CDs, which is a nice bonus when I'm going to be living on rice and beans the duration of the fall.

Our infant stuff isn't selling on Craigslist as well as I'd hoped, but such is life.

I'm insanely jealous of Tom L. right now.

Michelle makes me laugh.

Brewing is all but offline. I've missed my date to bottle a batch of beer for our August trip (maybe tonight?), and I'm debating if I'm going to brew again before Norfolk, or just keep my ingredients sealed up and pick up again in September or October.

Everything is still online for the house we're buying in Norfolk. We've passed the inspection but we're still waiting for some financing hurdles. This might actually happen...

We've told our landlord we're out of here at the end of August and the minivan is reserved. No official date from the movers yet, but Labor Day should see Theo and I reduced to nomads, with all our stuff on a truck somewhere.

I can't say it enough -- we're going to miss Newport and a lot of people here; whatever people say about New England rudeness we've never seen it from the locals on the Island.

I'm already exploring our new neighborhood via Internet. Ruth and I already know it pretty well from our last stay in Norfolk, but I'm just checking out what's the same, what's different and daydreaming, whenever I have a few minutes...

We're going to find just as much fun there as we have here, assuming we don't put ourselves in the poorhouse buying drapes and couches and rugs and whatnot.

Spud is awake and chattering to himself. It's inevitable, whenever I realize that he's been asleep long enough for me to get something done for myself, he wakes up. I'm out of interesting things to babble about anyway.

That's my son

The local energy monopoly's favorite pastime these days is to show up on our block at a random hour of the day or night, tear out a section of the street with jackhammers and pavement saws, fill it in again and then come back several days later to do it all again.

So yesterday morning was our turn; the crew showed up just before 9AM, told the folks across the street to move their cars, and made extra sure to be rude and uncommunicative when the neighbor and I started asking questions.

So I put Theo down for his nap right at 9AM, turned on fans and white noise and crossed my fingers. His window is right below where the crew turned on their jackhammer about 9:30.

KID SLEPT UNTIL 11, not a peep out of him.

Of course, they turned off the noise about 15 minutes after it started, then they all stood around until lunchtime and the whole commotion was gone before we got home from our walk. WTF?

The postscript -- late that afternoon the tree commandos arrived to take a dying tree out of the neighbor's property. The tree guys were mega-cool, they waved to Theo and talked to Daddy in between swinging chainsaws, running the wood chipper and using their Bobcat with a claw on the front to haul away logs. Luckily they'd finished all that right at Theo's bedtime, or else it could've been a long night.

Today's walk

Today was almost 2.75 miles. Had to go look in on some cats for a friend right in the middle so I have no clue about time.

Then this afternoon all three of us took a walk to the farmer's market since Ruth had today off from work. It was 2.8 miles, with a stop at the coffee shop as Theo fell asleep in the stroller, so we took the time to catch up with a friend we'd run into while out and about.

Today's walk

A quick two miles. Theo was a beast yesterday after his morning nap consisted of passing out in the backpack, and Daddy's hips are feeling yesterday's long walk. I'm sure we'll be out for another walk later today.

addendum

One of my current projects is taking some long hikes of Newport, bringing Theo along in the baby backpack a friend loaned us. This morning I covered 5.2 miles on the island, with no apparent damage to legs or feet (yet). My next goal is a walk from our house, along the entire Newport Cliff Walk and back, probably about 8 miles. After that I'm going to work on finding a walking route I'm comfortable with down to the Ocean Drive/Brenton Point park area.

This may be too much to do before the end of August considering what has to be done around here, but I can't spend every moment in the house...

A realization, and a roundup

Another post about myself and the blog, a sure sign of a blog in decline. Will I still be posting next week or will it be hiatus time again?!? Tune in and find out!

Over the past week, I've decided that if all goes well with the new house in Norfolk, I want to move Theo and I to Virginia and vacate this house before the end of August. Paying a month of rent in Newport will be bad news once we have two mortgages in Norfolk.

The realization from the post title: Theo and I need to be in Illinois for two weeks in August, maybe more. So in the past week, we've time-traveled from being over two months from moving, to being three and a half weeks from moving.

Following Paul's Law of Moving, while adding the corollary that "People with toddlers take twice as long as the childless to accomplish any task," I'm pretty much already in hopeless territory. (Confidential to Paul: Let us know you're alive, mmmkay?)

Thus, recreational blogging will pretty much stop until maybe Labor Dayish, unless I really find the need to vent. There are a few loose ends in need of tying around here, so I'm going to make the following series of broad generalizations and unsupported statements:

Tom (and MyMilitaryLife) directed me to this all-too-relevant USA Today Op-Ed from William Kistner, a Navy spouse and father who found himself standing on the pier (or probably tarmac in this case) as his wife was deployed to Africa. I'll recommend it while noting my regret that I can't talk more deeply about the subject right now.

What I'm reading lately: I've recently finished Into Thin Air and Under the Banner of Heaven, both by Jon Krakauer. I recommend them both highly.

I read The Blind Side, by Michael Lewis of Moneyball fame. The story he tells in this book is equally compelling to me, partly because I'm more of a football guy and partly because the story is far from over.

I started to read and failed to finish a memoir that I would love to talk trash about, but I have too much respect for the person's accomplishments to rip on the book. I won't say more about it, but the next time you read a bad memoir, just remember that I warned you not to do it.

I also (finally) read Einstein's Dreams, which was fantastitabulous.

I mentioned it to Tom this morning, but I'll reply to his post here too: Homeownership is scary, but after being goaded into it by my wife, I've found it well worthwhile -- when the situation is right -- and no more risky or stress-inducing than renting. The risks and stress are just different. As long as you put some money down on a place up front, get a fixed-rate loan from a reputable lender like NavyFed or USAA and stay well within your means (don't borrow as much as the banks will loan you, even if you're 100% certain that promotion is coming next year), the current problems in the mortgage market simply won't apply to you.

Finally, the post that's been percolating the longest, my thoughts on this month's Atlantic. Definitely read "What Rumsfeld Got Right" and "Electro-Shock Therapy." The battery problem is the fundamental issue in our current energy crisis -- oil has been our cheap, large-capacity portable energy storage, and now that it's no longer cheap, batteries need to get better fast. I admire what GM is trying to do with the Volt, but because they're GM I have every confidence in the world they will mess it up. I'm just happy I shouldn't have to worry about buying a car for a few more years.

As I've thought it over, my opinion of the cover story, "Is Google making us Stupid?" has evolved from cautious pessimism to outright disdain. It's nothing more than a bunch of controversial statements that have gotten attention because Oooo, they're so contrarian.

Twenty years ago, high-minded Atlantic writers would've been blaming all society's ills (e.g., short attention spans, declining literary culture, USA Today, declining subscriptions at the sorts of high-minded journals that employ Atlantic writers) on that popular pre-Interent boogeyman TELEVISION and its minion the sound bite; if they were talking about politics, they might have thrown in an unkind word for Rush Limbaugh. Fast-forward to today, and Carr tries to claim that the Internet is dumbing down CABLE NEWS, as if CNBMSNBFOX had led us into the golden age of an informed, wise electorate before the Internet reduced us all to quivering mush.

And just like the proper response to scapegoaters of TV has always been "Change the channel or turn it off, moron," someone needs to tell Carr that if he really believes that our pre-Internet brains were superior, he can rejoin the majority of humanity who still lives offline.

The truth is, the culture Carr pines for never had a golden age except in the minds of its partisans. It's never been large or celebrated; exclusive and difficult would be better descriptors. Someone who spends their time jumping from blog to blog or refreshing their RSS feeds shouldn't turn around and cast blame on a fault-tolerant global information network for rewiring their brain. They did it to themselves.

...one more thought. A lot of the "me too-ing" of the Carr article has been fake concern about the "pose" or "tone" of blogging, that blogs by their nature foster an attitude of post-GenX ironic detachment or somesuch. For anyone who thinks that similar "bloggy" pieces of short, witty, self-deprecating writing didn't exist before the Internet, please get yourselves a volume of Montaigne.

Assuming, that is, that you can still read on paper.

New iPhone features

OK, I give in

Not writing here in almost a week usually means I have something on my mind that I don't want to make public.

So here it is: Yeah, we did put an offer on a house while we were in Norfolk. And the offer was accepted, so we have a contract to close on the house before Labor Day. It even looks like we'll be able to finance it without selling our current house, or selling Theo to the highest bidder.

We like this house a lot, but having been burned before by the homebuying process, I'm only about 51% excited about it right now and Ruth is more like 0.5% excited.

Maybe after the inspection I'll let myself get 60% excited or so, but don't expect any full-blown giddy around here (or any other details about the place) until we've signed the closing paperwork and have keys in hand. Email me if you're interested and think you're someone who should know this information.

We're home

It's been a long trip but we're back in Newport. Theo handled the car ride quite successfully, a good test run for the much longer drives coming in August and September.

The trip was a great success. We saw a bunch of houses we like in our price range, and most importantly talked to a mortgage banker who will give us a reasonable loan without selling our bodies, our current house or Theo. So we're planning our next move as far as making offers, and when there's something interesting to tell, you all will be the last to know. Thhhhhpt.

On my mind.

You know that you've got too many things on your mind when you think about checking the (running) washing machine for the baby monitor receiver. It was in the bathroom, thanks.

I don't post much about anything related to Ruth's work because I'm paranoid, and all evidence to the contrary I have to assume that her entire chain of command (Hi Mr. President) and all the other scattered millions who get DoD paychecks are reading whatever I write.

That being said, given that this blog is mostly personal and that this subject has dominated my thoughts all summer, I don't know why I haven't mentioned much that OHMYFRAKINGJEEBUS we're moving in about two months. This afternoon we leave for Norfolk to go look for a house.

Of course we won't be able to make any solid offers until we sell our current house in Norfolk. More than any particular home features, we want to move to a walkable area of the city where we can continue living with minimal car dependence, as we have here. As a lot of you probably know, it's not easy to muster much enthusiasm for looking at a bunch of homes that might not (but realistically, given the market, likely will) be around when we get around to making an offer.

In the end, I have to tell myself that our solid financial condition and the total buyer's market in Norfolk will leave us able to buy SOMETHING adequate in a neighborhood we can live with, even if our current place doesn't sell at all. We can even drop the price of our current place to a fire sale price, say 25% off our original asking price, and our equity would leave us with enough down payment to afford something nice in the area we want. [NOTE TO ANY POTENTIAL BUYERS WHO MIGHT HAVE READ THIS: FUCK YOU, I'M NOT LOWERING THE PRICE THAT MUCH. NOT TODAY, ANYWAY. AND YES, I'm intentionally screaming.]

This certainty in my brain that the variables of the situation all fall in our favor does not ameliorate the uncertainty, or the corresponding worry in my gut, at all. I should totally be preparing to get us out the door in four hours rather than writing a post, but it's one of those Get This Out of My Mind situations.

So right now I have posts percolating about last month's polo match (too many cute pictures to count) and Tom's "support systems for military husbands" post. If you see either of these posts this weekend, you'll know that the house selling and buying is going very, very well, but I wouldn't advise holding your breath on that...

At a newspaper, it's called "burying the lede."

I noted in the previous post that it was a busy weekend here. We had a mandatory appointment in Cranston, so we decided to combine that commitment with several other "overseas" appointments and make a full day of it.

First off, fingerprinting with the USCIS. Part of pursuing an overseas adoption is getting pre-approval to bring an orphan into the country and anyone with an open immigration case has to be fingerprinted every year. Our previous experience with this process was a gargantuan cattle call, predictably time-consuming and bureaucratic ... and that was before we dragged a 13-month-old along.

So we geared up for an all-day mission with sippy cups, snacks and toys, clearing our schedule for the day well into the afternoon. So of course, when I opened the door to enter the facility...it was empty. Just the three of us, one older lady, and the USCIS employees. They took our prints, played with Theo, asked a lot of questions about our adoption, commiserated with us regarding the current indefinite waiting period for adopting from China and gave us some advice about what we have to look forward to. Not that our first visit for fingerprinting was bad -- it was what we'd expected -- but the relative ease of this visit was refreshing and set the tone for the day. We even used some of the the extra time later in the day to complete a couple other adoption-related errands that could be finished on a Saturday.

Once the fingerprinting was done, we had some merchandise to pick up at REI, which is fast becoming one of my favorite stores. We spent all the time we'd expected to be at USCIS browsing the clearance sale and Daddy managed to pick up a new pair of sandals and some hiking shoes that are already seeing good use. I don't think I've spent so much on shoes (and they were even on sale) in years, but my feet can't handle being abused by unsupported shoes anymore.

Later, Ruth had an appointment for a dress fitting, so the two boys ran some errands at Babies 'R' Us and Target. BRU on a Saturday was exactly the sort of clusterfuck of oblivious self-absorbed pregnant couples, new parents and prospective grandparents I'd expected, combined with a staff who sees so many cute babies that my cute baby garnered no attention whatsoever. But in addition to the shopping it gave us the time and facilities for a much-needed diaper change and sippy cup fillup, so all the better. Biggest surprise was the small, inadequate changing table setup in the men's room. C'mon, BRU, I get better at a rest stop in Jersey.

By mid-afternoon we were pretty beat up and Mr. Man hadn't had a proper nap, so we made our way home to make sure he got some rest. And Sunday? Sunday was boring. Thank goodness.

One more major development from the weekend: Daddy is no longer the only person in the house staggering drunkenly from room to room, falling forward every four or five steps. I'll have video as soon as I can catch him in the act...

Ribs update

Because the weekend was spent away from the computer (more on that later), I never had the chance to update the ribs post. I don't blame James for being impatient, because it probably seemed like a gigantic tease.

From 11:30 AM until about 8:30 that night, I left the ribs in the grill, adding charcoal every hour or so and turning the slab around once. Temperature on the grill thermometer probably averaged 225-250 degrees F. The drippings boiled in the aluminum foil so I didn't even bother using a thermometer to check the meat.

At 8:30 PM, we had this:



When Ruth came home from her outing, I served up the ribs to her and a couple friends along with some homebrews:



The meat, encrusted with the dry rub fell off the bones, tasted spicy and smoky but not mouth-burning hot. The rib bones crumbled apart to reveal the browned marrow, so rich that cleaning off the meat and the marrow from two ribs left my usually cast-iron stomach a touch queasy.

Yes, this magic will be performed again SOON.

Carlin on SNL

Set your DVRs -- Saturday Night Live this week will be a re-airing of their first-ever episode from 1975, which was hosted by George Carlin.

I LOL'd

As linked everywhere else on the Intertubes, Lit101 Class in Three Lines or Less:

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.

THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.

C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

Today's project

Do you believe in magic? I do. Today's plan is to take this:



and this:



and in a process something like this:



we will create a magic that the ancient wise ones called "Dinner."

As you can see, there's excitement over here about these plans...

You'll get nothing and like it

Swim class has moved to Wednesdays for the time being, and this afternoon is Aquidneck Growers' Market day in Newport. So this may be all the bloggishness you get for the day.

In the meantime, I've probably added a dozen new links to my Shared Items in the past 24 hours; check them out, and if you prefer to read my blog via RSS, add the separate "Shared Items" feed.

And thanks to yesterday's library trip, I'm reading books again; until I get the "Books I'm reading now" sidebar back up and running, I'll note that right now I'm enjoying Into Thin Airby Jon Krakauer.

Compare and contrast

Theo at six months:



Theo at 13 months:



Please, whoever stole our baby and replaced him with this other kid: Just return the original, Raising Arizona style, and we won't call the police. Promise.

Does two bloggers constitute a "meme?"

So I finally found a hole in the schedule today to walk to the library, and as luck would have it Ruth pulled a three hour lunch, so it became a family outing. After paying some fines and making our selections, we noted that their book clearance sale was still going on, so we figured we'd see if there was anything interesting.

As luck would have it, there were a couple paperbacks and a couple hardcovers that filled holes in our library; once we'd picked up three hardcovers between us, I figured that given the 6 for $5 price tag I might as well grab a few more that I'd heard about or wanted to read but never found the time; we'll just redonate them once we read them.

So, in blatant imitation of Tom's book sale post, here's a photo of our haul; it pales next to his in quantity and probably quality, but having them here instead of the library makes it more likely Ruth and I will read something besides a computer screen, a goal we've had for a while now...



EDIT: Added the actual link to Tom's post. Duuuuuuuurrrrrr.

Just received

Much like the show itself, I could tell you how awesome it is, but it's 10 times more awesome in person.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits

George Carlin was so good at what he did for so long that a lot of people who enjoy him today (damn kids, etc) might not have even heard the sketch referenced in the title of this post. He didn't tolerate any bullshit or bullshitters, which I liked. Although he would probably call bullshit on anyone who presumed intimate knowledge of a celebrity based on a public persona, so I should probably just shut up and make coffee.

So, bye bye, so long, see ya later, take it easy, be cool, hang loose, stay in there,
and don't get run over.

Newport Great Chowder Cook-Off

In the run-up to Grandpa and Grandma being in town, I completely neglected to post about this year's Great Chowder Cook-Off. After attending the past four years, this is no doubt my favorite Newport event, hands-down.

Luckily, Tom and Michelle and...um, Michelle again didn't drop the blog the way I did. Thanks y'all.

We'd fed Theo right before we left, so a full stomach and the hot weather left him without any interest in the chowdah. We'll fix that soon enough.

The hot weather meant big crowds, which I always have an issue tolerating. Our favorite year by far was the year the weather was cloudy and maybe 60 degrees -- very few people came out, even though you'd think that sort of weather would suggest "hot creamy comfort food" more so than 90 and sunny.

As seasoned (and simmered, this year) veterans of the Cook-Off, we were a little disappointed -- there seemed to be fewer participating restaurants compared to years past and very few who had traveled any distance. We all figured that gas prices were probably at least partly to blame. The Blue Mermaid, from San Francisco, was noticeable for having traveled a long way and seemed to be the favorite among the folks we hung out with -- I see from their site that they are a past winner.

Our other gripe: Not enough of the restaurants had servers working the outskirts of the crowd with samples, which caused the elbow-throwing throngs around the booths to become intolerable (Michelle, in her post above, was right on point about the general rudeness). The "I hate people" factor caused us to leave without eating nearly as much chowdah as I'd like, but I still left happy.

My wife hates me this morning

So twice in the past week we've been out in public and heard Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend." That's once more than is required to fix the song in my head for about a week.

Of course, there's only one visual that goes along with this song, and I had to find it:

Chris Farley - Chippendales | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Extra special bonus tangentially-Loverboy-related video materials:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Revenge of the Mooninites

Things I never thought I'd say, toddler time

Ruth: "Have you noticed how he can stand unsupported a long time, but only if he's concentrating on something else?"

John: "Oh, totally. The laws of gravity don't apply to him until he notices that he should be falling. Our kid is Wile E. Coyote."

GREAT idea

On the radio this week I heard a piece of trivia about Rhode Island that can and should be implemented nationwide: The General Assembly chambers of the RI State House are NOT air-conditioned. The radio voice said that "The chamber can get stifling hot, even in the winter."

Do I even have to explain why this is the best idea EVUR? No? Good.

This week I'm the Anti-Midas

Back when I was working for money -- in the days before I realized I'd rather be scooping toddler shit for free -- I was pretty good at my job. Some customers believed the simple act of calling me scared their servers into operation. On the right day at the right customer, what I did was "...indistinguishable from magic."

But even so, there would be other times when I called myself "The Anti-Midas." Days or weeks when no matter how hard I tried or how carefully I worked, instead of turning into gold, everything I touched turned to shit. It wasn't just me; I saw it happen at one time or another to even the smartest people I worked with. Whether it was cosmic rays or the tides or just coincidence, routine five-minute tasks would swallow up hours and common problems would take days to fix.

Those days were always the most stressful, as schedules were ruined and colleagues interrupted with questions that had no good answers; but most of all because I felt stupid, as if I'd woke up to find the English language replaced with Arabic (and Arabic replaced by Vogon, or something). When I listed to myself the things I wouldn't miss about work, "feeling stupid" was near the top.

So of course, over a year after diving into househusbandry, I find that my friend is back. I broke a glass and a bowl while my parents were in town and had several more slip from my hands at inopportune times. The frames of my sunglasses broke a couple days ago for no reason I could see (well, they were $2 sunglasses, that may be reason enough).

But I didn't see the pattern forming until yesterday. I spent a good part of the morning brooding over the house we're selling (lots of showings but no offers after 3 months), but I called the Realtor for a spine injection and thought I felt fine afterwards. Theo woke up from his nap and we started getting ready to meet Mommy for lunch.

I turn my back to grab his shoes, and in about .93 seconds he managed to pull down the gate in front of the cat dishes and spill water all over the kitchen floor. Hey, not like we aren't late already and now you're crying because I took you away from the encroaching puddle.

After cleaning up the mess, I get him to the car and I'm calm, because it's a gorgeous day and we're going to eat outside. I sit down in the driver's seat, go to adjust the rear view mirrors, and the power mirror adjustment knob snaps off in my hand. I am never fucking buying another Volkswagen, which in German means "People's easily snapped plastic doodads."

That's when it hit me -- Mr. Anti-Midas, we meet again. So of course, 10 minutes later, when Ruth has put a smile back on my face, we pull up to the O-Club, where due to a mysterious kitchen problem, they basically chase us away -- for the second time in two weeks, no less.

By the time I climbed into bed last night, I was just happy that the kid was breathing, I still had all my limbs attached, and the house hadn't burned down.

So this morning, 10 minutes after my feet hit the floor I start to rinse out the press pot for coffee and -- CRASH -- the glass pitcher falls right out of the frame, which has split in two due to who-the-fuck-knows-why. This doesn't bode well, but on the bright side nothing shattered this time, so maybe things are looking up.

Still, if my computer weren't still under warranty I wouldn't be touching it right now. I did start an unscheduled backup of all my important stuff this morning, because I KNOW what happens on days like this.

And now? The power company is back outside with their asphalt saws and jackhammers digging up the intersection for the third time this month (at least it's not at 10pm this time) and Theo is crying instead of napping; two events that may or may not be related.

So yeah. I think I may open the tonic water a little earlier today. Hopefully I don't cut off my thumb with an ice cube...

BOB the stroller

I've been planning a post for a few weeks to review our new BOB Revolution,which has quickly become a new member of the family. It has taken Theo some time to get used to it, but he's reaching the point where he's as excited to see me setting it up as he is to see his Moby Wrap.

Pay no attention to the manufacturer, who calls it "The perfect stroller for family life in the 'burbs!" This is a stroller that begs to be on the street and the trail, not stashed in the back of an SUV to be used in Target or the Mall (although I'll admit it would work well there as well).

Living in Newport, where the sidewalks and streets are sometimes paved and sometimes brick, but rarely level and never wide, an everyday stroller has to be lightweight, not too wide, with big tires and a heavy-duty suspension. Tall guys like me need the handlebar to be tall enough to push with no hunching. This solid stroller totally fits all those criteria, plus it gets the job done as a jogger or for general baby transport. It rolls smooth on any surface, and tilts easily over the monster curbs here in Newport.

Despite all that, It's light enough once folded for either of us to carry one-handed and it folds small enough to shove into the trunk of our Jetta and still leave room back there for a shopping trip. We bring it into the house folded and never even notice it stashed into a corner of the living room. If space is at a premium, all three wheels have bike-style quick releases so it would take up even less room.

If you were looking for an in-depth discussion of the brakes, shade, safety harness, front wheel adjustments, cupholders, etc...well, yeah, that stuff all works too, and extremely well. There are sunshade and rainshade attachments, but we've never had a situation where the built-in hood wasn't sufficient.

Most importantly, it's the perfect accessory for the cute baby about town:




Also, thanks to Rosanne for selling me on the BOB.

No scurvy in this house

I may be an amateur brewer and coffee lover, but when the sun is high, there's not a cloud in the sky and running the kid around on errands all afternoon kicked my ass, there's just no substitute for relaxing that tired ass on the deck with a vodka tonic.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging, which should read somewhat less like a 1950s cigarette advertisement.

Last week's excuse for no posts

I just finished a mini-vacation of sorts, as Theo's grandparents left Sunday morning after a weeklong visit. They have no particular agenda when they visit us other than to spend time with Spud, so I didn't really have to provide any entertainment. I had no problem passing up a couple diapers a day and handing off the evening routine to Grandma and Grandpa.

With all the extra willing hands, I even had the extra time and energy for a few things I normally wouldn't if just Theo and I were around: my Dad and I brewed a batch of beer one afternoon/evening; I spent a full afternoon and half the night cooking pulled pork on the grill; and after some confusion over plans Ruth and I even went to a friend's going away party by ourselves.

Just taking that walk to and from the pub on our own was refreshing -- it's pretty obvious we don't get out by ourselves as much as we should, but life is like that sometimes, not always what you're planning.

Of course, while Ruth was in school during the day we took plenty of walks with Theo -- we showed Mom and Dad around Island Cemetery, Ruth had an afternoon off so we all went to the Cliff Walk and while Theo napped one day, Mom and Dad went to Touro Synagogue.

Since Ruth generally has long lunch hours, we mostly went out to lunch (and sometimes breakfast or coffee) at our fave spots around Newport and ate dinner at home, although one night we did get out to The Mooring (where they treated Theo very well although we're discovering he's not much for seafood) followed by gelato at Cold Fusion.

It was a great time. Even though the heat wave at the beginning of the week kept us at home a couple afternoons, it also chased us into the shade of the backyard, which was relaxing for all of us and yet more new adventures for Theo. Dad and I spent quite a bit of time holding down lawn chairs and sampling each other's homebrew.

I can't imagine the week could've been any better and from the way Theo's face lit up every time he saw his grandparents, I'm betting he agrees.

So now it's back to finding other reasons for a sporadic posting schedule!

Vice Guide to North Korea

I realize this has already been linked at every other site on the Internet, but some of us can only watch this shit during ever-shorter naptimes, so we get around to things later than everyone else.

Of course they never have the chance to talk to any unapproved person, but I found it fascinating, in an "Orwell never would've imagined THIS" kind of way.

I guess there's something about seeing this sort of totalitarian dystopian personality-cult mindfuck through the eyes of people closer to my own age and mindset, who weren't much more than kids when the USSR fell apart and China started to give up?

Your assignment is to go watch all 14 epis.

My calling in life

The great thing about being Daddy? I can go to the park and ride swings, use the slides and goof off on the playground equipment as much as I'd like, as long as I have Theo nearby.

Of course, the second I set foot onto the wood chips without the boy, I'm "creepy old dude" and there's going to be police involvement. The venerable C&D research arm, which I like to call "The Global Institute for Pulling Numbers Out of My Ass," has found that the general population's perceived threat from a lone male goes from 80% to 0.4% the moment you give him a baby or toddler to carry.

Maybe we'll reach "putting away" by the time he's in high school

Looking after a 1-year-old isn't just about tripping over baby gates and wondering if beer is an appropriate 8 AM beverage. I'm here to help everyone see those advantages.

For instance, when putting away leftovers, I previously had to open a cabinet and search for the proper size of plastic container. Today, I'm able to find the exact tupperware I'm looking for spread all over the floor. Thanks, Theo!

Our little reader

This week has been a biggie for Theo, as most of the birthday presents we bought for him finally arrived from Amazon. He's pretty happy about them, although he never plays with any of them very long; he's not Mr. Attention Span.

Yesterday, some new board booksarrived and I'm thrilled to say ... I think he's happier about the books than the shape sorter or puzzles or the Leapfrog Table.

For the longest time, books were not interesting to him at all. At best, he'd sit still while I read and not reach out and slam the book shut; at worst, they were chew toys (We need a replacement "Moo Moo Brown Cow," as the original has been halved in size).

For the longest time, I was afraid maybe we weren't reading to him enough. Sometimes a day or two would pass without me sitting down with him and a book (Go ahead; call Children & Families and the goon squad from Parenting Magazine to have me put down for neglect). When he's not interested in the book or even in being held, forcing him to stay in one place was a trial.

Then, suddenly in the past month...a light has clicked on. I sit down with "Big Red Barn" or "Goodnight Moon" and read the first few words, and I get one of my guaranteed super-cute Theo smiles for the day, right up there with waking up in the morning. We still don't finish the book half the time, but at least it's some positive feedback.

Now, when we've left him to play alone for a while, I don't resign myself to finding pieces of chewed-up book; again and again I've looked across the kitchen to see him sitting down with one of his books in his lap, turning through the pages one by one. The book is usually upside down, but that's just fine with me for now.

Suddenly reading with him is a time we both seem to look forward to, instead of a required chore replacing something we'd both rather be doing. Hopefully he keeps up with a love of books longer than his old man has...

Of course, he comes by it honestly.

Things I never thought I'd say, bathtub edition

"No! Theo, that belongs to Daddy. You have one of your own to play with."

Venture Bros. new season, T-shirt of the week

Because OF COURSE you've already watched the first two seasons of Venture Brothers, right? RIGHT??

If not, then as your life, style and lifestyle adviser I suggest you re-examine how you're spending your time.