Dumpster diving

Now that I'm unemployed and have the time (if not the cash) to think about having a hobby, I've decided to take up homebrewing. I spent a short apprenticeship with a couple of our devoted brewer friends, now I'm getting ready to order equipment and ingredients.

Of course, I'm going to need beer bottles -- non-screw-top bottles.

Back when I still lived in a group home for underprivileged slackers, two of my roommates took up brewing. Like any beer lover, rather than buying boring empty bottles, they took the value-added approach, buying multiple cases of Sam Adams and bringing them home to the rest of the ambition-impaired residents with an admonition to "Drink up!"

I had no desire to become a brewer at the time, but this certainly seemed like a part of the hobby I could get behind. However, my current roommates are either too pregnant or too feline to help me empty multiple cases.

I thought I was in good shape when I stopped by the base Packy this weekend and found that they're now carrying one of my favorite beers of all time. I brought home a case, grabbed my botttle opener to start digging into the important pre-brewing task of bottle emptying, and found...a screwtop. Derrrrrrrrrr...

[Inner voice: "So, John, you think you know enough about beer to brew your own, so why don't you know that your favorite beer comes in a screwtop??" John: Shut up, that's why.]

Clearly, drastic measures were necessary. Monday morning is neighborhood trash day, so during the sweet spot of the morning, after the employed folks have started their commute but before the Waste Management guys arrived...I went surveying the neighborhood recycling bins. Reuse > Recycling, right? I'm just making sure the neighborhood doesn't end up under 20ft of seawater next summer. AlGore would approve, even as the fashionable homeowners of the area considered calling the cops.

My rules: the bottle/can bins here are uncovered, so I was only grabbing visible bottles. No opening bags or bins, or rearranging the bin unless there were good bottles in view. There is a fine line between being a cheap craft brewer and being a bum.

I obviously missed at least one good party the other night, as some folks down the block had a 2L of Absolut Citron and about a case of Red Bull in the bin -- along with the mother lode, almost two grocery bags worth of Sam Adams bottles. Screw Monday morning, I'm heading back over there Saturday night.

Overall, it was a successful trip, I hauled in close to two cases of bottles (although not all of them were ideal -- see #3 below).

Some thoughts for my little corner of Newport, based on my expedition:

1. Too many damn wine drinkers around here. Don't get me wrong, I like my wine too; but you won't find a half-dozen bottles of wine in my recycling bin Monday morning without finding a few beer bottles as well.

2. If you're drinking Bud Light, what exactly is the point, or what do you think you're proving, by buying bottles? "Sure, my favorite beverage is the fermented product of indeterminate grains of dubious quality in superindustrial setting, but by God I'm no low-class cheapass! I drink LONGNECKS."

Please. Once you've decided a cheap buzz trumps taste, just buy the cans. In fact, buy the talls. The extra beer in each container provides a clear incentive to drink faster, so as to avoid the situation where the beer at the bottom of the can has been heated to undrinkability (about 1-2 degrees above absolute zero, by my guess).

3. For the three or four homes on my block alone who put away multiple packs of Heineken and Heine Lite last week... Heineken? Seriously? When we can WALK to liquor stores that carry fine east coast brews like Dogfish Head, Long Trail or Otter Creek? When some of your neighbors are the owners-brewers of local mainstay Newport Storm? No -- not you. When given a choice, you're going to pay about the same money, for beer to drink in your own home, and make it Heineken? Please see #2 above -- most of the same ideas apply.

I'm actually somewhat comforted by the preponderance of Heineken in this 'hood, because it means no one will be trying to steal my beer, which I'm planning to name "This Ale is as much UNLIKE Heineken as I could possibly make it."

Wish me luck.